You: “I just had one of my poems (or short stories or essays) accepted by Well-Known Literary Journal That I’ve Wanted to Get Into Forever!” Note: You told this to your well-meaning family member, friend or co-worker because you literally just got the acceptance on your smart phone while you were in line chatting with this person, and you didn’t want to seem rude for your slight intake of breath and seconds-long disconnection from the conversation.

Here are a collection of responses I’ve actually received (and other writers I know have received) when sharing this kind of news with someone who isn’t a writer, and doesn’t really know what it is you do.

“Really? I’m full of stories. I definitely have a novel knocking around in here somewhere, but I’m just too busy to write it down. I will someday though. It’ll be a best-seller with the things I’ve seen.”

“What would you think about us sitting down one day, and I’ll give you some of my ideas? You can write my story and I’ll give you credit when it’s published.”

“My 8-year-old daughter just wrote a poem for her third grade class. I think it’s really good. Would you look at it and tell me where I could get it published?”

“So I’m assuming that your book is at Barnes & Noble? Is it on the New York Times best seller list? I’d love to read more of your work.”

“You seem to have so much time to write.  I wish I could write all day! That would save me my trips to the therapist!”

“Have you heard of Professor X of poetry at Obscure College in Oklahoma? He’s my cousin. No? I figured all you poets know each other.”

“That’s great! Now you can quit your day job and just write poetry all day.”

My post today is about encouragement during deflation. It’s about self-motivation when you’re not getting it from those around you. Many of us writers have supportive spouses, children, other family members, friends and even co-workers when it comes to our writing: They’re proud of us. They hug us when we’ve gotten that long-awaited acceptance or when we get that especially stinging rejection. They understand that we squeeze in writing where we can around the rest of our lives — day job, taking our kids to school, grocery shopping, laundry, taking our kids to the bookstore (score!) and so on. They know that we don’t have the luxury of actually writing all day, or most of the time even writing for one hour during the normal course of the day. We write because we can’t not write. We write because it’s at our core — it’s like breathing or eating. We’d wither without it.

Then, there are the people around us who’ll try to steer us away from our goals — they’re like the people who offer you cake when you’re trying to lose 15 pounds or loudly remark in front of other co-workers as you pull your chicken and kale salad lunch out that they’re afraid you’re becoming anorexic. There are deliberate saboteurs and people who just really don’t know what to say to writers, and so they say one of the above deflating statements. Unless you approach the comments with humor and grace, you may just deflate yourself enough not to write for a few days or a week (and also not work out).

So, this is as much for me as it is for you — here are a few of my tongue-in-cheek (with some truth) responses to these well-meaning folks.

“Really? I’m full of stories. I definitely have a novel knocking around in here somewhere, but I’m just too busy to write it down. I will someday though. It’ll be a best-seller with the things I’ve seen.”

Me: Well, that’s fantastic. I assume that when you meet a doctor, you say, “You know, I have a few brain surgeries knocking around in here somewhere. Someday I’ll get around to performing them!” This is just one of these comments by someone who really doesn’t understand what you do, and that’s fine. Where it becomes a problem is when someone who is an editor and a writer wants you to write for their website or print magazine for free. Yes, free. Sometimes it makes sense to write for free, if you’re trying to build an online audience and a well-known blog offers you a monthly spot. But when you’re a writer and are really damn good, you really shouldn’t be writing for free as a rule. So, while I’ve digressed, take this away: Your writing, that’s a skill, a talent that you’ve been gifted with. Don’t give it away for free. Despite what people say, not everyone can write well-crafted copy.

“My 8-year-old daughter just wrote a poem for her third grade class. I think it’s really good. Would you look at it and tell me where I could get it published?”

Me: We should encourage our kids to write and create art and do all kinds of activities to unleash their creativity in a variety of ways. We’ve set up a whole art table for my 5-year-old daughter and she draws, paints, uses charcoal and chalk, and clay to crank out her masterpieces, with no thoughts of self-doubt, like “Is this good? Will people love it?” She creates because she knows she has a unique message and a point of view. And if your child is a writer, an artist, find her a class to attend. Find her literary magazines that publish children’s and young adults’ work. Look at this type of comment as the person’s effort to connect with you about your writing — something you’re passionate about. This world needs more writers and artists. Let’s support each other.

“So I’m assuming that your book is at Barnes & Noble? Is it on the New York Times best seller list? I’d love to read more of your work.”

Me: OK, no. Once when I was on a trip in France, an older man asked me what I did for a living. I said I was a magazine editor in the fashion industry. His eyes lit up, and said, “Oh, Vogue?” And I said, “No, it’s a B-to-B magazine called Stitches, which is read by commercial embroiderers and other apparel designers and decorators.” Just as quickly, the fire went out of his eyes. He asked if he could find my magazine on the newsstands. Nope, I explained, because the magazine has a controlled circulation, which means that readers need to qualify (be an apparel-decorating business) to receive it. The point is, we writers know how many literary journals and presses there are (more than 5,000 according to Duotrope), so there are plenty of homes for our work. Submit to journals. Send out your work. There’s a whole community of us reading — and benefiting from what you write, even if it’s not Mr. Vogue.

“You seem to have so much time to write.  I wish I could write all day! That would save me my trips to the therapist!”

Me: Have you ever read Writing as a Way of Healing: How Telling Our Stories Transforms Our Lives by Louise DeSalvo? If not, you should. Writing is a great restorative tool, a great way to write through chaos and other painful life situations that you’re experiencing? Writing probably isn’t a substitute for therapy if that’s what you need to deal with a certain situation, but it’s definitely a way to work through what’s happening in your life — and a way to share your experiences with others. I referred to DeSalvo’s book when I needed to use writing as more than a self-expressive tool, when I needed it to contend with issues that were occurring in my life.

“Have you heard of Professor X of poetry at Obscure College in Oklahoma? He’s my cousin. No? I figured all you poets know each other.”

Me: Do you know everyone who lives in your town? On your block? At your church? In your kids’ classes at school? No? There may be some exceptions to this, but it’s the same in the poetry world. There’s no way to know everyone out there. There are always astonishing emerging writers. That’s why I’ve started to use social media like Facebook and Twitter to find and follow and connect with these writers. It’s pretty fantastic to connect with well-known poets and also women whose work I’ve just read and is swoon-worthy. I also follow their blogs and even started my own blog, “Restringing,” in the hopes that others will find and follow me.

“That’s great! Now you can quit your day job and just write poetry all day.”

Me: Um, probably not. This article on whether you can make a living solely as a poet was pretty eye-opening to me. In 2011, according to New York Magazine, Billy Collins, who has stature even among non-poets, raked in about $44,000 in royalties for selling 28,406 copies of Horoscopes for the Dead. Following him very, very far behind were Wendell Berry, who sold 2,928 copies of Leavings earned him just over $4,300 and Jane Hirshfield’s Come, Thief that sold 2,250 copies, earning her about $5,600. So most of us have day jobs, perhaps related to writing (professor, editor, journalist), but most likely not, so we carve out time at night, early in the morning, on our lunch breaks, to write that next poem draft or the next page of our novel. So we fight hard for the time we get to create. Own it.

So, my friends, write on, despite what others say. Submit to journals, especially Minerva Rising. Value your work. Value your time. Value what you create. There are people listening.